In fact, things seem fan-fucking-tastic most days.
True, there are some things that get to me. I'm angry with my brother. The ex really pissed me off about a month ago. I was angry over Thanksgiving--I'm realizing that going home isn't really good for me for various reasons.
But overall--things are good. Michael and I are ... great. My job is turning into what I want. My mom and I are in a groove.
Again, all systems go.
It's freaking me right the fuck out. I don't know what to do and in some ways, it feels like I'm looking for things to go wrong or to be wrong. I'm turning into THAT girl.
BLAH. What the fuck is WRONG with me?
I'm happy. I'm healthy. I'm in love.
It just makes me nervous. I'm so skeptical of most things that I worry that I'm being duped by someone. Unfortunately, I usually think it's Michael. I worry that he's playing me--when there's NO evidence. I make up these fucked up, outlandish possibilities in my head...and it's not fair to him and it's sure as hell not fucking fair to me.
I'm in love. And I'm in love with the fact that I'm in love. And I'm in love with my relationship.
There's other BS going on. I'm still working out the work stuff--but who isn't?
Things with Michael are beautiful. Our relationship is growing. We get closer and closer every week. Now that I'm over the fact that we didn't go from 0 to life partners in 0.005 seconds, the pace feels perfect. I had so many people looking over my shoulder and so many people accelerating the relationship for us that it was making me crazy. I am relaxed now and it feels wonderful.
I still haven't covered the living together thing. It will come. Hopefully, soon. There was some other stuff that had to go first. Now that the other stuff has passed, living together is bubbling to the top...in a nice, natural way.
I feel like I'm treading water in the middle of the ocean and there are no islands in sight.
Nothing has changed...although I'm even more unhappy with work and am getting ready to actually do something about it.
Things with Michael are the same...and they're wonderful. He's been away for a bit and I've been cranky since he left. I really fucking miss him. And as miserable as that makes me, I'm happy about the fact that I'm cranky. I really love this man and I worry that I'll take it and him for granted.
Hopefully, he'll be home on Tuesday night. Cross everything for me, ok?
Michael has been sequestered since Tuesday. And I've been home since Tuesday. And it's making me cranky.
He should be home tonight and I should be able to see him tonight ... but it's not certain yet. And it's making me cranky.
I planned to go work out and make my way closer to his house ... but since I don't know for sure what's going on and since I only slept for four hours last night, I am in no mood to go to yoga or the gym. And it's making me cranky.
I want to take a bath and then I want to take a nap. With him. Our naked limbs tangled. His lips on my ear. His cock resting between the cheeks of my ass.